I'm back!

Its been long enough, don't you think?
Well I do. And I miss writing. So much. To put words down and think that someone, somewhere, might read them. That they might matter to the world even for just a moment.

Why am I writing at 3am? Not the usual reason, which is that I used to write when I couldn't sleep, while having mental breakdowns in the middle of the night and sat sobbing in the dark while roommates, family, friends were sleeping around me. Nope, this is a better reason! I am in Mission Control for the International Space Station. We staff 24/7, and tonight it is my turn to babysit the billion dollar government vehicle in the middle of the night.

Since the last time I wrote, I got certified. Which means I earned the right to sit here at 3am. Since the last time I wrote, I got my heart broken. And with the help of friends, family, and time, I managed to survive. Since the last time I wrote, I started dating a new boy. And bought a house. My little sister graduated from college and got a job in Georgia. My little brother started at UCF.

I sit here, exhausted, at the edge of consciousness, waiting for things to go wrong, praying they all stay right. I have 4 more hours til handover, 5 more til I can go to bed. My american express bill was over $5,000, higher than I think it has ever been. My maintenance required light in my car has been on for a month. I have bugs, no curtains, and need to vacuum. PVTCS 1B is gonna undertemp on me one of these days, thats what the beeping in my ear is trying to tell me.

Also, I am happy. The kind of happy that you usually want to punch people for. Sometimes I just walk around with a stupid cheesy smile pasted on my face. I can't really explain it, and I'm not sure there's any good reason for it. I mean work is good... but theres still alot of bureaucratic crap not to mention me being here at 3:30 in the morning and sleep deprived. And the house is awesome... but also turning into a bit of a money pit. Plus, did I mention the bugs? Oh and I have yet to mention that I mowed on Saturday and am now sore (I have triceps... I know this because I feel them), mosquito bitten, blistered, and not the least bit interested in ever doing that again. And the boyfriend... well, I will get to that in a second. But all these things, while lovely, are not any more perfect than things ever have been. Plus I live in Houston, bottom 5 of great cities in the world, plus approximately 9,000 degrees in July. Most things are about as imperfect as things are. But still, I feel... happy.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, you are saying. Fine.

So lets talk about the boyfriend. Pros: He's nice. Funny. Kinda cute, in a nerdy sort of way. Puts up with a fair amount of my craziness. Likes my hair short. Is restoring an old beetle in his garage (this impresses me greatly). Has an entire bookshelf full of dorky sci fi books. He works for USA, like me... and he's smart.
[Aside: You may not know, because I pretended like it didn't matter, but I always worried that if ex (from now on we will not use his name) and I had kids they would be dumb. Not like "average intelligence but dumber than me" dumb... like, actual dumb. Like 'I need my mommy to do my homework' dumb or... functionally illiterate dumb. And lets face it. The world needs no more dumb people. The world needs smart people. The world needs smart people to breed more smart people. If I had procreated with ex, I think I would have given up my right to complain about dumb people the way people who don't vote give up their right to complain about who is elected. On the other hand, now he is free to go off and breed with his tramp, or other dumb girl of his choosing... probably will overpower any good I could do for the gene pool.]

Anyways, if you could not tell, I have totally fallen for this guy. But I am attempting to proceed with caution. I want to be good at what I do, I want to be completely in love with this job, I want to be smart, I want to be a writer even if it is just a blog. I want to make sarcastic jokes and talk excitedly in acronyms nobody can follow. I want to take pride in all the things I don't need a husband for... I mowed my own lawn damnit! I want to spend hours on the phone with my bestest buddy Alifaya talking about nothing in particular. I want to go places and do things because I want to do them. I want to do sit-ups just because I can and not because they'll make me look better naked. When I was younger and less together I forgot how important that stuff was. And I don't want to do that again.

We'll save the Jew/nonJew conversation for another post. For now, just know that somehow I am in this glorious moment-in-the-sun kind of place in my life and, though I doubt it can last forever, things are pretty awesome. Now only an hour and a half til handover... must. stay. awake.