Is this high school?

I am so angry that I am gonna blog about it. Yup, I'm an angry blogger now.

(Greetings from Mission Control, btw... I'm here this weekend 7am to 8pm then back on Tuesday for the overnight).

I have recently gotten myself into a bit of trouble by running my mouth. Who's shocked? Because I am such a demure, quiet, lovely girl who never says mean or offensive things, so this is truly a surprise that I might ever get into any trouble for something I said. Right?

Ok, quit with the chirping crickets, I get the picture. I know. I'm blunt. I'm completely uncensored, lacking any kind of filter from brain to mouth. And to top it all off, I'm not very nice. So the unfiltered brain says alot of mean things. And here's the latest story of why I should get a filter (do they sell them on ebay?):

So it begins... years ago, really. I have known this person for over 2 years, but never really been more than a casual aquaintance. Why? Well, because he's mean. He makes meanspirited jokes about religion, appearance, sex... anything really. When I talk to him, I never know when I'm gonna be the butt of another mean joke. But I think he's not trying to be mean, he believes hes funny. I know now you are saying "Why Stephanie, would you like to be the pot or the kettle?" (kettle, thanks!) but seriously... on my most sarcastic day I couldn't be half as mean. Most of what he says while trying to be funny, I find hurtful. And I try to think "well, he doesn't mean any harm," although I can't honestly be sure whether he does mean harm or not. I hung out with him still because: 1. I like being on the softball team and 2. He's fun to hang out with, when he's not being mean. He's a total social butterfly type, and I like that, because I'm shy and without social butterflies in my life, I wouldn't do anything. Ever. Although, likely my house would be alot cleaner if I avoided all social butterflies. And I have never been one to back down from anything just because things made me feel a little uncomfortable... like socializing with strangers. Or mean jokes.

Now, however, he's Dan's roommate (well, he has been for awhile, I'm the new one here). And I love Dan and wouldn't ever want to cause trouble for him or pull any "it's me or that guy" crap, but hanging with him has also meant hanging more with his roommate. Which means more exposure to the mean jokes. It hasn't been all that delightful. But I'd like to be in it for the long haul with Dan, so I'll take whatever his roommate dishes out. But I never promised to do it quietly.

So yesterday, he's lamenting his current dating life while also discussing a date he has lined up this weekend and how hot the waitress is. Yes, its clearly looking bleak. But you know, you want sympathy I'll give you sympathy. You want to have some lighthearted banter with me, fabulous. But I'm still myself, and I'm not gonna go so far as to become a member of your pity party. Nor am I going to help you turn that poor woman's workday into sexual harassment Friday.
So when I refuse to be his "wing woman*" in the aforementioned hitting on the waitress, he gets angry at me. When things escalate, I say he objectifies women and I'm not interested in facilitating. Then he says that "loyalty is the most important thing," insinuating that I am being disloyal. By the end of the day he has dedicated a facebook status to my alleged mistreatment, and begged off the evening plans we had with some other people in order to avoid me.

*Can I discuss this wingwoman thing for a second? Because here's the point of a wing woman: Guy sees girl. Guy wants girl. Girl would probably not talk to random male stranger at bar, due to legitimate L&O:SVU-style fear of rapists. But guy is hanging out with wingwoman (WW) girl. This WW girl seems normal and inoffensive and is wearing a cute shirt/shoes/whatever girls compliment something random just to get the conversation started. And she's talking to that guy, and she's giggling at something he said, so it must be funny. And guy is relating to that WW girl in a non-creeper, not overly sexual, friendly kind of way. So, hey, he must be alright. Look, they're coming this way. Oh, she said she liked my boots so I will tell her I got them on sale and we will laugh about how awesome it is when shoes are on sale! Girls and guy will chat for awhile, then WW will need to use the restroom, of course, because girls pee alot and need to check their hair. Now girl and guy have time together. But hey, wasn't it easy getting to know each other with another girl around to make sure I don't get raped. Yeah, this is going well. Sigh. Its all a scam on some level, to lull a girl into a false sense of security so she'll take her clothes off. And does that ever, in one trillion years, sound like something I would be into? NO. Its not you who I won't be a wingwoman for, its because that just doesn't fit into my personality. If you are my friend and I have a female friend that I think would like you and you like her, then I would introduce you to each other as a mutual friend, but I am not going to be the crocodile hunter with you, stalking prey in the wild. Sorry for the aside, back to the story...

Now we meet the other half of the reason I can't say what I want around him. When he's not mercilessly teasing me for one thing or another, he is getting disproportionately offended by things I say.

So what bothers me:
1. "Loyalty" Who are you to deserve my loyalty? If you were my friend you would understand why it is that I think you are objectifying women. You would understand why it bothers me, why gender equality is important to me, why paying so much attention to appearance upsets me. You would know you were pushing all my buttons, poking at every self esteem issue I had ever had. And if you understood all that, you would deserve my loyalty and I would expect yours. As it is, you know nothing about me, and the fat feminist inside my head... and so I don't expect you to be so careful about protecting me from my issues, but I certainly don't need to put them aside to help you out.
2. You don't get to be right all the time. Its called a difference of opinion. People are allowed to have it. You don't have to be my friend. I don't care if you want to be friends only with people who will either agree with you or keep quiet about it. I don't need to be your best friend, latenight chat buddy, shopping pal, dinner date or anything. I would just like us to coexist peacefully in the same area, for the sake of my boyfriend who, G-d help him, likes us both. Which means I need you to either not ask my opinion or not get mad at me when I express it. I don't care which.
3. Grow up! Is this high school? You're going to lie to my face and talk shit about me behind my back. And post it on facebook?! When did my adult life start taking place in the 9th grade?
4. Poor Dan. I just don't want to ruin your life. I'm just trying to be me, not to start making a mess. He's your roommate and I'm prepared to endure plenty more of his crap, on your account... but don't expect me to censor myself when asked a direct question. If I'm gonna say anything, its gonna be exactly what comes out of my head, with no positive or otherwise spin applied. I never had this thing called "tact." You may have noticed?

Ugh I don't give a damn about his opinion of me, I just want things not to be awkward when I go to Dan's house tonight. Mutual agreement to coexist peacefully. Thats all. And instead I have to worry that this is gonna cause problems for me and my wonderful, sweet, amazing boyfriend.

So thats the essense of the story. I love all you friend type people who read my stuff and tell me when I'm acting ridiculous. So please, do more of that. Meanwhile I will try to learn how to "not say anything at all" when I have nothing nice to say. Or how to lie and say nice things. Ok, probably not that last one.

September Adventures

So it would appear that I skipped the entire month of September. Oops. Also because I have been rambling nonstop about crazy jewish things and trying to make sense of my life, I thought perhaps I would take a day off from that (rest assured, I have another monster of a post about religion brewing, but not for tonight) and just give you the rundown of my crazy adventures.

Where to begin?... How about September 1st?

Kidding, I will not go day by day. But there were a few awesome, great, big things that happened in September.

1. I am now 24. Which my jerk boyfriend likes to remind me is "mid twenties" rather than "early twenties" so I officially became old. Had a nice little outing with coworkers, then went to bed early drunk off margaritas. And my (not really a jerk, except when hes reminding me I'm old) amazing boyfriend outdid all birthdays in memory with a bunch of really thoughtful presents and by being wonderful and awesome.

2. Debbie and Mike got married!!! Yay and congrats! Flew to Philly, rented a car like a grown up, visited cousin Jessica at UPenn, got a grand tour of the campus and some delicious falafel, then drove out to New Jersey for the main event. Beautiful weather, wonderful friends... I'm so sad its over and I feel like I may never see these people again. Sniffle. We always knew the wedding was coming and we would get together for that... but now what? Megelah you need to come visit ASAP or elses! You too Ms. Viscione! What if I told you my guest room had a king size bed? I could throw in room service! Free wireless internet!

3. High holidays. (Ok so maybe there is a brief moment of religious babbling in this post after all.) This was the first year I think that I spent both holidays at Chabad. Rosh Hashana was a nice kind of break from the world- dinner at the rabbi's the first night, all day services, dinner at another family's house the second night, more services, and lunch with yet another family. I am lucky that there are so many families that take in stray people, and fed me. Then yom kippur... such a hard day but also kinda nice. So different to go to Chabad where everyone is taking a special kind of pleasure in fasting, compared to conservative temples where everyone treats it as this torture you have to go through. Like you have no choice but to starve, but at least you are in miserable company. But thats not the point, you aren't torturing yourself, you are focusing on the needs of your soul over the needs of your body. And after, my friend's mother in law took in a few stray people... and fed me homemade bagels. Awesome!

4. So last year I gave up pork... and that has been going really well. But I don't feel so ready to give up either separation of milk and meat (mmm tacos) or shellfish (mmm shrimp). So what should I do as a New Years resolution instead? I have decided to go with candle-lighting. I won't lie, its not so easy as I had planned. First because in the weeks after Yom Kippur there were about 700 holidays. Well, ok, so Sukkot, Shemini Azeret (still not sure I even know what this holiday is for), Simchat Torah, plus Shabbats. And because I'm never home on Friday nights to light. So I have a little portable candle kit that I got once at a Chabad event, and I bought a bunch more tea lights so I can restock. Last Shabbat I lit on the cruise... then Nicole made me blow it out when we went to dinner so I didn't burn the ship down. She's right, of course, you shouldnt leave candles unattended, but then... you're not supposed to blow them out. Oh well, baby steps. So thats the plan this year... no pork, more candles.

5. Sukkot... one of my favorite holidays, since joining Chabad. We never made a big deal about it when I was a kid, and at school it always seemed kinda lame... but at Chabad they seem to take a special pleasure in it. The first night is a nice long night of eating and drinking and singing and the Sukkah is so big because so many people come and decorated so nicely. So I have, as a side resolution, decided to make a point of eating in the Sukkah at least once every year. Took Dan... its not a matter of trying to convert him (if I wanted to do that, I would go find a nice conservative temple in Houston where people are practically normal except for occasionally exclaiming in yiddish rather than throw him in the Hassidic deep end) I just like to spend time with him, and I dont want there to be this big secret place I go all the time to do big secret Jew things. And I'm really grateful and happy that he's willing to give it a shot for me because I know its scary to go there. And then as we were leaving I went and told the Rabbi's wife that he wasnt Jewish. They all kinda assumed he was because a) I was dating him and b) he was there and c) he looks more jewish than I do (says the blue eyed, pale girl). But then when I told the Rabbi's wife he was my boyfriend who worked for NASA she said "Get out! He's Jewish and he works for NASA?!" Well I couldn't lie. Then I got a little mini lecture about soulmates. I think a bigger lecture is probably coming, but I can take it. I know it bothers him that it bothers them and that I have to listen to it... but I think he should understand a little more about guilt, being catholic and all. All my life I've been hearing a lecture about something from someone. What matters is that I love him and hes wonderful and sweet and smart and adorable and takes good care of me and, to a lesser extent, that my parents like him. Also I hope that when you guys meet him, you will like him. Everyone else, doesn't get a say.

6. Operator Cruise! Over 2 years ago when we all started our group flight controller training, called boot camp, we discussed taking a cruise together when we all got certified. Back then we weren't even really friends yet, just a bunch of new young people who left home for horrible texas. Then we became good friends, hung out all the time, planned parties and trips and weekends together. Then we all got certified around March and basically stopped seeing each other. Someone is always working, someone is always sleep shifting, and so nobody was available. We had to plan 4 months in advance and request time off of work in order to even have this one week... and still I think most of us got crap for it.
But it was awesome!!! I wont get into particulars, and pictures will be up on facebook shortly for your perusal, but here are the highlights: Sunbathing! Mayan Ruins, complete with swimmin' hole! Cozumel Zip line + snorkel (no death trap scootering this time). Party in the penthouse! We won the Quest, be jealous!

7. Ok so technically this didn't happen until October but I had to add... Alabama/Florida game. Made my day. Ok, my week.

Now I have a cold while working the overnight shift- my nose is stuffy, my throat hurts, the room is spinning a bit, and I really want to go crawl into bed. However, being grateful for small wonders, I am in mission control! I just need the system to be nice to me tonight.

Whats on the agenda for this month? Cooler weather! This and one more week of overnights. Throw in a weekend shift (13 shifts in all, punishment for taking vacation I guess). And at the end of the month a trip to Orlando with Dan... UCF football, fun with the fam, and maybe, hopefully, fingers/toes/eyes crossed, a shuttle launch.